Descending the stairs, the sweet smell of french bread meets my nostrils, making my mouth water. Sitting down at the island table. my mom lays the delicacy onto my plate, complimenting the main course. I spread creamy butter across its flaky surface, and sink my teeth into the bread. As my tastebuds come in contact with it, each one is instantly paralized with flavor from that one bite. I'm in heaven.
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteThis piece is great, the detail is awesome! I can almost taste the bread just sitting here at the computer! In the second sentence when you said ,complimenting the main course, you might have wanted to use a different sentence structure such as a semicolon or dash construction just to change it up. Otherwise, great job!
-Karen (K.C.)
Wow i'm hungry now! Me and my mom make bread and it is just like you described, heaven!
ReplyDeleteYou were so descriptive my stomach is growling. :-D
ReplyDeleteNow I want bread. Is french bread like french toast? Is it like Hawaiian bread? Now THAT is some good bread. So's the bread in the story. That sounds like good bread.
ReplyDeleteIt's not really like french toast; the bread is sort of flaky on the outside, and super soft in the middle. It's so good!
ReplyDeleteI'm really hungry now. Incredible detail. I love this piece. I don't know how it can get beeter.
ReplyDeleteYeah Sammy this is really good. I know that we are supposed to like give you some ideas about how to like improve it, but I can't think of any! Nice job :)
ReplyDeleteThat was really good, the detail is great.
ReplyDeletewow. and thats all I can say. Great job.
ReplyDeleteGood writing, but you spelled "paralyzed" wrong. Also, you maybe should've tried describing the flavor, but still, impressive. The part about mouth-watering was excellent description, too. Excellent job.
ReplyDelete-Shawn