Thursday, November 19, 2009

Snow-stream of consciousness

It is still dark out when I wake up this morning. Descending the stairs, I look out our front door window and see...nothing. Nothing at all. A thick layer of snow has caked every inch of the window. I shrug and walk into the kitchen, thinking about what kind of cereal I want. Opening the refrigerator, I notice our lack of milk. Seeing as no one was awake, I grabbed a jacket and opened the garage. I pull out of the driveway and head for Pick N' Save. Soon I realize that this was a fatal mistake. Flake after flake plummet to the ground all around me. It's getting harder and harder to see out of the windshield. Dark clouds have blotted out the sun, engulfing my surroundings in gray. In a desperate attempt to try and get back home, I struggle to keep the car on the road. Getting harder still, snow begins to weigh down on the windshield wipers. SNAP! The blades disappear into the storm, leaving my windshield unprotected. Now completely covered, the snowy windshield blocks my vision of the road. Slamming the breaks to try and stop before I got hurt, I skid across ice, totally out of control! Suddenly, a bright light shines through the snow of the car, and I'm flipped upside down. My head smashes into the side of the car, and the last thing I remember, is seeing red from the blood that seeped into my eyes.

3 comments:

  1. That was a little violent. Was it an irony or tragedy?

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  2. It was an Irony. Nice job with vocabulary, but you want the words to flow a little better. You had excellent words in there like "our lack of milk", instead of just out of milk, although it felt a little out of place. I really liked that last sentence. Sorry for so much criticism, but it's easier to find flaws in good writing than it is in bad writing. Nice work!

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  3. I agree with Shawn about good vocabulary but I think that if you make the words flow easier and maybe add some more describing words, it would add intensity.

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