It seems hopeless, that spring will ever come,
With the weather so cold and the snow so thick,
And my skin caked with layers,
Still doesn't always do the trick.
The air so icy,
And the ground so unsteady,
I begin to wonder
If spring will ever be ready.
But the sun does come out,
And the wind does stop.
Snow doesn't always fall,
But on occasion, there is a raindrop.
Grass gets uncovered,
And the snow isn't so high,
Leaves on trees begin to bloom
Out of the corners of my eye.
When the snow melts away,
And the air isn't so bad
A smile creeps over my face,
Because finally, finally,
Spring has come to take winter's place.
That's really good. I really liked how you changed it from tradgedy to comedy or irony to romance, it was really cool. The only thing I would recomend is make it flow a little more. That sounds really weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. Good job:)
ReplyDeleteThat was good. You are very good at writing poetry. It was different because like natalie said it went from an irony to a romance
ReplyDeleteI also think this was an excellent piece, but I think when you write a poem the amount of syllables in each line need to be about the same so it can be read with some good flow, and I think you may need to work on that a little bit. But otherwise, I think that you did an excellent job and it was very fun to read.
ReplyDeleteYeah I kind of thought that it didn't flow right when I was reading it. Maybe because when I was writing I didn't originally mean for it to rhyme but I changed it. If that makes any sense :]
ReplyDeleteI like the fundemental things here, but it felt like there are some words that just could be editted out. One of the qualities about poetry is not having any words that aren't really necessary. i would recommend going into this and seeing if you think there are any parts like that at all. If you'd like some help, or a chance to see what I mean, I'd be happy to work with you on it.
ReplyDelete